Safety and self-care

Safety planning is important for anyone experiencing domestic and family violence
Conversations with teenagers about safety planning should make clear that it is not up to them to stop the violence
As a person supporting a teen impacted by domestic and family violence, it is important to look after yourself as well
This section also includes some self-care tips from a parent survivor of domestic violence.
Support is available - call 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or visit our website for online chat and video call services – available 24/7.

Safety planning with your teenager

Teenagers should be able to discuss, plan and practice steps they can take to be safe in a home where there is violence and abuse. Support people like family and friends can help to develop and carry out a safety plan too. They can also offer a place to go or be ready to listen and offer support.

How can I work with my teenager on increasing their safety?

Explain that you would like to work together to come up with a safety plan to use in case of emergencies. Any conversations with a teenager about safety planning should make clear that it is not up to them to stop the violence or take on sole responsibility for the safety of the family.

A safety plan should include:

Step by step actions your teenager can take to increase safety at home, outside the home or in situations such as contact visits
When would it be important to leave and how they might know this – you may want to come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency
The safe places they could go and how to get there
Things to reduce the risk of harm, such as leaving early when things feel unsafe or not stepping in to stop the violence
Contact details for three or more people they could turn to who would listen and take actions to assist them
How and when to contact emergency services and other services that may be needed
What to take when leaving, such as money, an escape bag, important items that may bring them comfort.

A safety plan should include the safe places they could go and how to get there, and contact details for three or more people they could turn to who would listen and take actions to assist them.

How can I help increase my teenager’s mental and emotional safety?

Help them learn healthy ways of expressing and dealing with anger, fear and other emotions
Help them get involved in things that boost their self-esteem and make them feel good about themselves
Always act in a way that is non-threatening and non-violent
Think about taking them to counselling or therapy if possible
Keep as much structure and routine with them as you can

Self-care tips from a survivor

Helen is a survivor, a mother to two children and works as a freelance Workplace and Employment Advisor. Here she offers some self-care tips that she has found helpful in her recovery.

The relief and joy I felt when I escaped a violent relationship was short lived when I was very quickly thrust into co-parenting with my former abuser. The abuse is now carried through my children, who are trapped in the middle of two non-communicating parents. Self-care has therefore become critical and essential in assisting me to reduce the ongoing chaos and unpredictability, which creates stress and undermines my ability to parent, work or even function on a daily basis.

These tips have been useful in aiding my recovery. They are immediately and freely available and depend only on yourself. We all have the internal resources and varying degrees of ability to be able to put self-care into practice. I hope that those who do will reap the much deserved benefits.